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As Toddlers & Tiaras revs up for its next season (and another post on that later) and the parental outrage machine gets cranking, I’d like to just redirect for a moment with this little game. Guess which of these photos is from that program, which is from the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique at Disneyworld (where for a mere $189 your 2-year-old can have a makeover that “magically transforms her into a Princess,” which I guess is one word for what they turn your daughter into….) and which were taken at birthday parties from the Sweet and Sassy “a cutting-edge children’s salon, trend-setting retail store and the perfect celebration place: that is popping up in mall stores around the country.
(answers: pic one is from Toddlers & Tiaras; 2 is from Disneyworld; 3 is from Sweet & Sassy; 4 is from Disneyworld; 5 is from Sweet & Sassy).
I didn’t guess T & T for #1 because she doesn’t have her fake teeth in. I can barely get my 3 year old to sit still when I brush her hair after a bath; I can’t imagine she’d sit still for a makeover. And I just wish I had $189 to spend on a makeover for myself!
They don’t all wear the flippers (Fake teeth).
I know. And why $189? Not $190?
I think the difference is the competition aspect maybe or the “once in a while” kind of thing at Disney world vs the lifestyle of the pageants. maybe?
I guess I’d say that at 13 or 14. Not sure I”d say it at 3. But yes, that is certainly a point……
Toddlers & Tiaras has two things that “princess salons” don’t overtly include: publicity and competition. I assume many parents think it’s fine to take their daughter to a boutique/salon/spa to get all princessed up but it’s not okay to do this with the aim of winning a competition that focuses mainly on beauty, or to parade their daughter in front of an audience, whether televised or not.
That being said, if a parent thinks that spending $189 on a princess transformation–for their toddler–has absolutely no elements of competition and publicity…
Also, the Sweet & Sassy parties include a runway strut. And yeah, it’s not for money or competition, but it’s about pretending to be being judged in that way……
YES. Thank you! This is how I feel about the whole Botox mom story too, or every time a stripper dies from black market butt injections — everyone gets in a lather about one extreme version (of princess culture/the beauty myth) and fails to see how fine the line really is between the stuff we deem hand-wringing-worthy and the stuff that just seems like the new normal. Toddlers and Tiaras isn’t happening in a void. It’s just one symptom.
Yep. I blogged on that very thing.
My mother in law took my (then 5 year old) daughter to the Bibbidi-bobbidi-Boutique and I almost lost it when I saw the photographs. She looked like a prostitute. She picked Jasmine, whose costume included a black hair weave, high heels, and a bare midriff. I share your outrage.
I’ve had a lot of moms tell me that their daughters wreck the shoulders of their t-shirts trying to yank them off their shoulders because “princesses don’t wear shirts with shoulders.” I mean moms EVERYWHERE I GO tell me this!
We have one of those Sweet and Sassy places near me and I was intrigued to see that a friend posted pictures recently of her 5 year old’s birthday party there, where the kids got make-overs and walked down a runway. She asked her FB friends to view photos from the party and click “like” on them so that her child could win another party there. Many people commented on her post how “beautiful” and “amazing” and even “sexy” the girls looked and how glad they would be to oblige. If it didn’t really happen, I’d think it was part of an Onion article. I truly cannot get over how accepted these things are, and often by generally thoughtful and highly educated people. This particular mom is very politically progressive and suffers from obesity, yet throws her daughter into this catastrophe. I am truly at a loss to understand the disconnect. I think perhaps some mothers are living vicariously through their children? Fulfilling their own frustrated childhood fantasies? Perhaps they just don’t see at all the connection between this kind of socialization and later problems with body image and self-esteem? Perhaps we’ve grown up so constantly bombarded with the message that woman=appearance that we just cannot see the world in any other way? On another note, this same Sweet and Sassy also recently hosted a “Girl Power” day, complete with visiting Miss America contestants dressed up in their finest pageant regalia, who taught the girls to do the red carpet walk and wave. Again, would be comical if it weren’t actually happening and effecting real girls.
Whoa. Hadn’t heard THAT one. Girl Power as the power to shop and have makeovers, though…That is the hallmark of “sassy” and “Girlz” (with a z) culture. I think parents DON’T really get that sassy is sexy-with-training-wheels. And they think it’s harmless since the girls don’t “understand” it the way we do. But foisting sexuality on girls even when they don’t understand it–ESPECIALLY when they don’t–can create a permanent disconnect between the performance of “sexy” and their own (some day) erotic feelings. So that they keep seeing sexuality as a performance rather than something felt internally. They keep basing their self-worth on how they–and in particular their bodies–are judged by others with the parameters of “acceptable” narrow to the point of unattainable……
They also have an ad on their site for “Girl Power” workshops that feature little girls in girl scout regalia in front of a pink limo. I have alerted the Girl Scouts USA people about this REPEATEDLY but they don’t address it. FEel free to email them!
First, I will say I am not just a father, I am my little girl’s Daddy.
Bibbidi-Bobbidi is likely under the “parental outrage” radar because people don’t realize what the Disney Princess Machine is really teaching little girls. Perhaps Sweet & Sassy just isn’t that well known yet.
Personally, I can’t understand how any reasonable, dispassionate observation of what this stuff reinforces for little girls can be seen as good or harmless. I want my daughter (almost 3) to not sit around waiting for some Prince Charming to rescue her…I want her to be empowered to know she can take care of herself. I want her to be more interested at this age in playing and learning than about looking like one of this ridiculous, helpless, brainless characters.
I look at things like Toddlers & Tiaras and wonder how on earth I will be able to raise her with all these kinds of things working against my values. How about this for a challenge…My wife would think this is all very cute. –A loving Daddy who wants the best for his little girl (Mason)
Hi Mason,
Your daughter is a lucky girl. Having an adored and adoring daddy who is aware of and resisting the persistent and continual sexualization of little girls can make a huge difference in her sense of self, her feminine identity, her body image and her choices in romantic partners. Good for you, Dude. Do you know Joe Kelley, aka Dad Man?
Thanks Peggy, I hadn’t heard of Joe Kelley before but after having just reviewed his site, I’m happy you suggested it. I think I’ll check out his Dad and daughter togetherness guide. Do you have any suggestions for helping parents who have entirely different parenting styles and values? Any help/direction would be greatly appreciated. –M
Oh, I wish I did! If anyone else has ideas??
I totally have the same concerns as Mason. How do you raise a girl with a healthy sense of self when she is being bombarded with all these confusing messages? And parents who don’t care?
I am so scared for my daugther who will be in kindgergarten in September. I have her in yoga and swim instead of dance. But in suburban Michigan, I feel pretty alone with these values. I feel like I am constanly trying to find someone lone tribe member. . . .
Hi Erin,
So, the idea is to re-direct from focusing on fear to focusing on action, power, healthy alternatives. Is there any way to encourage a reading group among your daughter’s kindergarten class parents or parents other communities you’re in (church, neighborhood, yoga parents whatever)? Then you get parents discussing in, hopefully, a non-threatening and on-judgmental way. I find that a lot of parents are concerned with premature sexualization, though they may not connect the dots in teh same way you might. You don’t have to agree on everything, the hope is to establish an environment in which parents can discuss and strategize.
You might also, through a parent education or other group, try to bring speakers to campus on these issues. Meanwhile, please check out the resources section of this site–tehre are recommendations for kids and parents. I highly recommend looking at the Girls Leadership Institute site http://www.girlsleadershipinstitute.org/
.They are not doing k-gartners right now, but they have a lot of good resources. Also, depending on the troop, Daisies can be a great place for girls to work out other ideas about identity (that’s GIrl Scouts for little ones–pre Brownies).
For you, check out Packaging GIrlhood, Little Girls Can Be Mean, So Sexy So Soon all of which offer great advice on navigating girl issues in age-appropriate ways for little ones.
And know that even if you don’t have the support you’d like in your immediate community you have it in the virtual one!
I got it correctly.
The worst things about T&T is: the exaggerated sexy feminine and girlish feminine moves the girls perform on the stage or catwalk, the exorbitantly priced clothing, and the Delusional belief on the part of the parents that the girls “really want to do this”, and not seeing their own complicity in it. In fact most parents claim they see Nothing sexual, or materialistic or wrong in any way with pageants.
I know in your book you feel some parents are too judgmental on the pageant parents. Really it is the so-called high-glitz pageants that are the worst.(I think) Apparently there are pageants that are more natural and don’t have the expensive or sexy costumes.
Yeah, they’re called “natural” pageants, but they’re sort of falling out of style….The one on T&T are called “glitz” pageants.
http://jezebel.com/5812670/toddlers–tiaras-this-is-what-you-get-when-you-raise-entitled-children?comment=40204859#comments
Have to link you to this funny (but not really) clip from T and T.
It’s been interesting to see the evolution of the Wood family over the years (and since I saw them in person while reporting CAMD). Mickey looks way more “put together” now. And now Eden is apparently retiring. Maybe wasn’t winning so much? I wonder what they’ll do now…..