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RSS FeedHere’s My 8-Year-Old’s Halloween Costume
Ta da!
Ha! I’m just messing with you. Over my undead body would my kid be wearing this Clawdeen Wolf Monster High costume, available at Toys’R'Us, in sizes “recommended” for 4-6 year olds. So all that rot you Monster High fans are telling me about how the line isn’t MEANT for little girls? Tell that to Mattel. Or to the 4-year-old rocking a Frankie Stein costume.
Or the kindergartner who wants to dress as Cleo de Nile:
Now THAT’S scary.
Look, I don’t mean to pick on Monster High. These images just happened to come across my desk today.
A reader recently sent me this one:
Helloooo, Kitty!
It’s no secret that little girls’ Halloween costumes have gotten sexier. The topic comes up in the media every October. But the issue is so much bigger. Two of the world’s wisest women, Deb Tolman and Lyn Mikel Brown broke it down for HuffPo last year. Among their observations:
The constant visual cues suggesting there are only two options for what girls can be, not just on Halloween but every other day of the year, reflect a media and marketing machine that pits one type against the other, even as it sides with the consumer version of sexy. The reality, of course, is that there really are more choices. Girls can be whatever they want to be, but they have to be encouraged to find out what that is, and the media messages with which they are bombarded make that a harder task each passing day.
But for various reasons, we as parents have not said “no” to the retailers, because too often in this ever more consumer-driven society, we do not say “no” to our children. We’re afraid of what can happen when our children don’t conform or we resist too much, like the six year-old kicked off her cheerleading team in Michigan because her parents protested a sexualized cheer.
It’s easy for moralizers to blame parents for saying yes and to blame girls for wanting and wearing. Placing the blame on individuals deflects attention from the rampant commercialization of childhood and the pornification of products marketers peddle to younger and younger children. Sure, we can say no. Many of us do. But we’re up against corporations willing to invest billions to cultivate our child’s desire for the right look and heighten their anxiety about not matching up.
Halloween can be just one more reminder that a girl has to be all sexy or she’s nothing, or it can be an opportunity to explore what lies between the extremes. Help her discover all the amazing options available. Challenge her to come up with the most fun, fascinating, silly, scary costumes she can imagine. Unleash her creativity. Make it a contest, make it a party, make it a school challenge. Like the Connecticut cheerleaders who refused to wear skimpy uniforms that undermined their ability to perform, like the Texas teens who decided not to wear makeup to school, encourage her to make news with a protest, a petition, or a video that can go viral.
Raising a daughter with a chance at sexual health and sexual literacy is difficult enough; when sex is overused to oversell, it can feel like a Sisyphean task. It is more urgent than ever that we encourage girls to use their power to pull back the curtain on the paucity of what has been marketed as “choice” and reclaim what it means to be a girl.
So the problem is not Halloween. It’s not Toddlers & Tiaras. It’s the messaging that surrounds girls in much more mundane ways EVERY SINGLE DAY that reduce them and define them by their bodies. Yet, there are certain times, like Halloween, when those messages grow more intense. So how about it? Rather than bemoaning what’s happening yet again, let’s us adults do our job and get together, talk to one another and say NO!
Of course if you know my motto–fight fun with fun–you know “no” is not enough. How about telling your daughter to (or helping her to or challenging her to) make her own costume? I suck at crafts, truly, but I overcame last year and got out my safety pins and glue gun and some muslin to make a reasonably credible Athena costume. And the year before that, heck, my girl tossed on her karate gi and stuck a wooden sword in her belt and said she was a “martial arts girl.” It wasn’t the most inspired costume out there BUT SO THE F*CK WHAT???? She is a KID. It’s Trick-or-Treat, not Project Runway (though speaking of runways, maybe a pilot??).
It would be invading her privacy to give away what she’s going as this year (though she’s been talking about it since 12:01 am on Nov 1 2010). But I guarantee you this: her costume will be warm enough to wear outside without a jacket.
I had to tell my almost 3 year old she couldn’t be Hello Kitty at Target the other day because the outfit was so ridiculous. And yes, it would have fit her.
Maybe this isn’t the best tactic, but around Christmas and Halloween I don’t even bring my kids (4, 2) around stores that have those tempting costume or toy displays. Kids often make really good choices, but once they see those displays with all the options, their original choice goes out the window and I know it isnt what they really want anyway, the marketer just make their toys/costumes look like more fun. My 4yr old has already picked out what she wants to be ( a superhero), and I’m not doing anything to sabotage that by bringing her around other costumes. I know this tactic won’t work forever and I will have to tackle the issue more head on in the near future, but the longer I can put it off, the better.
Actually, I think it’s a GREAT tactic. Less exposure TOTALLY equals less desire. During the princess years I just tried to avoid Target at Halloween. And if your kid doesn’t see much advertising, marketing or product wherever she looks, how is she going to KNOW to want that crap? It’s not innate (really).
P.S. This works less well as they get to be older. I’m talking about kids your children’s ages.
It’s still working pretty well for us, and our girls are 5 & 7 1/2…. and in public school! Not only do we avoid the stores (and catalogs & TV shows & commercials), but we do talk about some of the choices other kids make. As a rule we do not buy “branded” merchandise – not for lunch boxes or clothing or anything – this is just what we do as a family. They also know WHY we don’t buy stuff w/commercial characters on it – because it inhibits their imagination & ability to think for themselves. Sure – they do have some of this stuff – hand-me-downs, “goodie bag” toys & gifts from others – but they can put it in perspective, so I’m fine w/that. (And I support (almost) any kind of Halloween costume – even a “character”, as long as we make it ourselves)
More power to you!
You know, I like the word “avoid.” It’s gentler than words I’ve come to use. I find that I”m getting somewhat more strident the longer I talk about this stuff and that I start being very definitive about just saying NO when your kids are little rather than thinking you can make them “critical thinkers” at age 5. I mean, i think you’re absolutely right and talking to them about branded characters and WHY we don’t buy stuff etc etc is important and does start those critical synapses firing and we definitely do that in our home (and it has taken root–become a source of pride to Daisy that she “gets” it now that she’s in 3rd grade). But we also AVOID exposure to a lot of things that would give the mixed message that 1) we disapprove of it and 2) since it’s designed specifically to make kids want more of the very thing we’re telling her we disapprove of it’s going to make her feel deprived whereas if she wasn’t EXPOSED she just wouldn’t want it. So, you know, she watches and plays with a broad range of stuff but she does NOT need to go to teh stores with those clothes and she does NOT need to have a monster high doll etc etc. Avoid.
Yeah, I think that’s a great way to go about it. If you don’t even bother letting kids see the “cute” trash with the bright colors and glitter, they won’t be apt to be pulled in by it. It could even work for quite a while, as long as all adults and respected figures shrug things like that off as “kinda nasty-looking” as my older sisters do.
If a little girl grows up without junk items being in the forefront, junk items won’t be what she wants – and it does really help to have someone she respects mentioning that they think it just looks silly.
As a somewhat recent college grad (from a Big 12 school), this post hits me as I think about college halloween parties where the non-skanktified female costumes can rarely be seen. Sad. I chose not to participate… So here are my costumes during those times… It’s funny the amount of good attention they received! Hunter (my bf now husband was a deer), 1950s girl with authentic dress and accessories, homemade Daphne, bee (husband wore homemade beekeeper costume), classic mardi gras with a big beautiful (and authentic) mask… keep the ideas rolling!!
Love this. Jezebel is consistently funny about Halloween. I liked this post. And this one.
I want to go as antartica just so I can throw water balloons at everyone.
when I see costumes like these I think thank god halloween hasn’t ever really taken off in Australia; sure, we have a smattering of dodgy, pervy costumes for the few families out there that want to emulate American sitcoms, but for the most part, schools and families don’t bother. Retailers on the other hand have started to realise that there is a huge untapped market out there, but from the look of the kids costumes we have in stores, we seem to be getting your cast-off halloween costumes circa 1985, lol.
So, when do kids go around and beg for candy if not Halloween???
Ha! I’d have hung out with you in college! I was a zombie last year – in bloody but warm flannel pajamas and bathrobe – and a haggard witch the year before – complete with a fake nose and chin! Halloween’s supposed to be fun, not uncomfortable.
Honestly, I don’t remember doing Halloween in college. Back then I think it was pretty much a holiday you stopped celebrating when you wer 12 or so. Maybe I’m wrong. Then again, it seemed like every day was costume day at Oberlin…..
I’m not sure which outrage of the day I’m more upset about — this or the Forever 21 t-shirt that announces the wearer is “Allergic to Algebra.” If people don’t think that there are real-world consequences to this messaging, they are wrong. My daughter came home from her first day of school and reported that the ratio of boys to girls in her middle school honors math class is 3 to 1.
Eliza, I wrote this post today to counter-market the retailer/marketing misfires as of late, because I feel like media keeps covering the damaging drek vs the positive SOLUTIONS to same.
Totally agree w/you that there ARE real world consequences to this cruddy messaging, and lobbed a force field of STEM and femme research to prove the quantifiable harm w/a rebel yell to do some wallet-whacking and support companies pumping out POSITIVE messages for girls instead. THIS is the kind of ‘tee party’ that needs put into the equation, not the algebra nonsense. http://www.shapingyouth.org/?p=16543
Peggy, glad you circled back to Monster High as we’ve been dealing w/some troll triage on several blogs no doubt lobbed by corp shills. This is a ‘share’ for when I write the mixed media msg series…great post as always.
Oh they are SO annoying. I don’t know if they are plants by Mattel or kids or what but man….Keep writing, Amy. We need you!!!
The zombie hookers need to go away. My daughter just came home talking about these after playing their games at a friends house. If I cover my child in garlic, will the undead sexworkers leave her alone?
Garlic bulb! Excellent costume!
Am in the thick of this right now with my daughter. It’s the sexiness for the girls and violence for the boys. The funny thing is I always hated Halloween when I was in college and right after for precisely these same reasons; I guess I never imagined they would play out in such a vivid way in the lives of my elementary school children. While my almost-9 year old doesn’t fight me when I say no to costumes, I think what bothers me most is that she’s totally oblivious to why they are absurd and overly sexualized. No idea. And now that she’s her age I just can’t control what she gets her hands on, at school and in our mailbox before I have a chance to throw it away. She’s pushing to be a vampire, but I have yet to find a non-cleavagey/sexualized vampire costume. I wish she and my son would both be Smurfs!
Disclaimer: I do not have children. But I do costume quite a bit. And I’m heavy, so I don’t do stereotypically sexy costumes that bare a lot of flesh.
Easy vampire: Go to the thrift store and find a black dress, or a dark skirt and blouse. Buy vampire teeth, maybe a cape from a costume shop (or a box store, if you must). Makeup can be classically pretty or nonexistent. Fake blood is fun, too.
She might find some fun accessories, jewelry or shoes while she’s there. This can show her how shopping at thrift stores can save money and inspire more creativity than buying something off the rack, and the outfit can be used again for something else: witch, “olden times” lady, etc., and so can the cape — it takes years to outgrow a cape.
I took my little sister to see “Batman Returns” when she was 8 (I was 17). We love Batman, and she loved the movie, as did I. She wanted to be Catwoman that Halloween. We didn’t buy her a pleather catsuit. She wore a black sweatpants/shirt combo and our mother made her a cat hood, and she helped put silver glitterpaint “stitches” all over her costume. She wanted to be Catwoman not because Catwoman was sexy, but because she kicked butt, and it’s still one of her favorite costume memories, 20 years later. Even costumes that are “sexy” can be “un-sexied” for kids. In many cases they’re too young to even really know what sexy means.
Yeah, I remember when vampires WEREN’T sexy. I guess that makes me old enough to be one…Though I guess they always had a sexual component. But that was more metaphoric and there was plenty of room for the Lon Chaney-type camp.
The fact that they don’t know it’s sexy is actually part of the issue. Having sexiness foisted on you before youre developmentally ready disconnects looking sexy from actual erotic feelings and the risk is that becomes a permanent state. Girls learn they need to LOOK sexy but not UNDERSTAND their own sexuality. Bad news.
My children always pick one of their dress-up costumes as their Halloween costume. Of course, my daughter, 6, has Disney princess dresses, but at least they’re warm! Of course, my daughter also sees no reason she can’t be a science princess. At least her princess dresses provide full cover-up though!
My son, 3, lives in superhero costumes, which has motivated my daughter to seek out female super heroes. Of course Supergirl and Wonder Woman dress a lot skimpier than Cinderella…. hmm…..
When she was 3 or 4 Daisy once said, “Mama, sometimes girl superheroes show their belly buttons. I don’t know why.”
Geez, thanks for the latest ridiculous Halloween costume runway show–will make for great examples of the current inapproriate sexualizing of girls for this year. Thanks for this, we need to make a LOT more noise!!
Oh, by the way, the sexiness for the girls and the violence for the boys work together to recreate gender inequities down the road, in heterosexual relationships and in the entire way that the institution of heterosexuality (not just the relationships, everything that underpins them, obvious and subtle) continue to work successfully, whatever the latest gauzy screen
Deb you are my shero.
[...] It is this same line of thinking that has created a market for Halloween costumes that transform four-year-old girls into sexy versions of every possible princess, character, animal and doll. [...]
My 7 year old saw that Clawdeen costume in a catalog and immediately declared that was what she was going to be on Halloween. She doesn’t know what Monster High even is, but that caughter her eye. She’s always been my princessy girl; my 9 year old wants nothing to do with pink and dolls and princesses. She’s decided to be Hermione for the second year in a row and I’m fine with that. She was Spiderman the year before that!
And yes, it is hard to explain that the sexual aspect of any given costume is reason enough not to wear it.
This has been on my mind a lot lately! I just read Cinderella Ate My Daughter, and I’m trying to foster discussion in my own group of friends–many of us have toddler daughters, and I’m already having to filter media messages directed to ONE-year-olds (or perhaps their parents…but products over-specified by gender roles, on the heels of “pretty” and “sexy” girl stuff.) My daughter doesn’t really “get” dressing up yet, so I will probably choose to dress her up as Gossie the gosling, one of her favorite book characters.
Sigh. Would that they could stay goslings forever…..Sounds great!
My daughter’s middle name is Athena. We visited the parthenon museum this summer and saw many beautiful statutes of Athena, which my daughter loved. She would probably love to be Athena for halloween. But the only thing you find when you look for an athena costume on the internet for a five year-old is a grecian gown that shows clevage (at least it is floor length!) Where’s the battle helmet and shield? Where is the Aegis? Lord help us, I may have to take a cue from you and fashion one myself. Wish me luck.
Oh shoot I just wrote a whole post and accidentally deleted it. I live in a college town, so the ladies at the fabric shop were experts at outfitting Greeks–all those frat kids and their toga parties. I got some cheap off-white fabric and glue-gunned a strip of patterned ribbon around the edges that was one of those gold geometric patterns on black (like you’d see on a goddess). Wrapped it around Daisy, who had on a white t-shirt. Safety pinned it at the shoulders. Got some gold braid at the same fabric store and tied it around her waist. Got some trim tha tlooke like laurel leaves (in gold, silver or green sold by the yard) and wrapped it around her head. Voila. Greek Goddess. Cheap, no sewing. Easy.
But if you have a fabric shop near a university or college, they should have tips!
Thank you so much. Update: We went to Target and were all horrified by the costumes. My daughter made a run for the “boys” section and picked out the rocket ship costume. wohoo! Still might try to make the athena outfit though, for dress-up, so thanks for the tips!
Like your daughter, mine starts planning her costume as soon as the preceding Halloween is over. She hasn’t wanted to buy a costume since she stopped liking Disney princess as the age of 6. Since then (she is now 11), the driving force behind her costume choices has been the desire to be original. Last year she was a zombie Miss New Jersey. This year she asked to be Cousin It from “The Addams Family,” but I honestly don’t know to make that costume (I’m NOT crafty). So, she is still thinking, but I’m sure it’ll be something unique.
I’ve always had these same thoughts, and I love the way you expressed them. Thanks also for sharing the excerpt from “The Huffington Post”—I hadn’t read it. I’ll be sure to pass it on.
Hmmm. Where could you find some really cheap hair extensions????? Yarn????
God forbid we stop redefining ‘beautiful’ and allow kids who are not conventionally beautiful to just accept themselves as they are. I’m quite happy being NORMAL and I don’t need to embrace the words ‘beautiful’ or ‘pretty’ or ‘sexy’ to feel good about myself.
My girls (5 & 7) want to be vampires because they want to be scary and they love the idea of turning into a bat. I will make the costume up myself. The people at Mattel should be ashamed. The $machine is more and more sickening every day. .h.
My Monster High obsessed 7 year old asked to be a Dalek. I was so glad not to fight the Cllawdeen costume (this year) that I let her get it early to show her friends. If she wants to be a Dalek from now to Chirstmas, I will take it. One kid down, one to go.
That is hysterical.
I remember being a kid and getting our costumes at the grocery store… a plastic mask and a little smok that went over top of your regular clothes. When you’re under about 8 or so Halloween is so over-stimulating that kids don’t notice what they’re wearing; they usually cry and want to take their costume off!
And another note, perhaps someone can comment on the subconscious relationship between a really young girl dressing sexy and being rewarded for it with candy? Sugar is the best motivator for children, and being able to eat candy for weeks just because they wore a mini-skirt and cat ears seems like it will do nothing but ingrain behavior…
You must be my age. That’s what we did–or we made them, because those masks were horribly uncomfortable.
Plus, I grew up in Minnesota. It was freezing. You’d DIE in a sexy costume.
I made the fatal mistake of walking through the kids clothes section of a large chain here in Ireland (Marks & Spencer) last week, and my 5.5 yr old spotted a “yasmin” costume that consisted of a belly top and harem style pants. She has not stopped talking about it since!
Luckily I had asked my mom to bring her back a flamenco dress and matching shoes from her trip to Spain recently. The flamenco dresses are very pretty but not revealing, and I make her wear a long sleeve T under it as well. I will be persuading her to wear her flamenco dress for halloween as it will be something different, and it is connected to her favourite activity, dancing. I can’t explain the sexual bit of Yasmin to her at 5 years of age, but I do encourage her to be her own person and not follow the crowd.
My biggest win was on vacation last year when, instead of a bikini, I persuaded her to wear a Handy Manny shortie suit on the beach, and we achieved this by teaching her how to boogie board – explaining that you have to wear a suit to use the board. She was delighted with herself and her new board and I was delighed with the Handy Manny suit! So many battles to win the war….. Emma
I have no idea what Handy Manny is, but I trust it covers her body. What you did was a great example of fighting fun with fun–rather htan just saying NO you found things you could say YES to that offered a viable alternative. We also did the “OLYMPIC swimmers wear one piece suits” thing. Now our daughter is on swim team. Plus, it’s COLD in Northern California and you want anything covered that can be when you’re in the water!
In an earlier post that I can’t now find I talk about the statistical change in the % of infant girls wearing one piece vs. bikini bathing suits since 1990. Basically it was unheard of before then to put a baby in a bikini. Now it’s common.
I hate to tell you this, but I was born in 1972 and I have a picture of myself at age 3 months wearing a two-piece swim suit. we lived in Florida adn it was quite common.
You don’t have to hate to tell me. That’s fine. I’m just reporting statistics compiled for retailers, so they are what they are.
I am sewing a costume for a friend’s daughter named Amelia. She is a history buff at this young age and is thrilled to be dressed as Harriet Quimby – first woman aviator who crossed the English channed the day after the Titanic sank. She did not get much publicity at all and Amelia wants to wear her outfit which is a purple hooded blouse, knickers (which were actually a skirt pulled in to look like pants) gloves and boots. REally a fun idea and I am starting on the costume this weekend. I agree, keep these kids out of the stores as mentioned above and go to the pattern store and the historical web sites to create your own costume. AND teach your daughter/son history. Cherish the moment while their minds are moldable. Brenda K
Coolest costume EVER!!!!!!!! I am going to look up Quimby IMMEDIATELY.
(Is she related to Ramona? Ha ha ha).
My twin girls are 10 and we struggle with this issue EVERY year. The year one daughter wanted to be Jasmine from Aladdin and I had to explain to her why it was inappropriate for her 6 year old self to have a bare middle was not fun. Each year it gets worse and each year I’m furious at the “sexy” costume choices aimed at our daughters.
[...] Here's My 8-Year-Old's Halloween Costume by DNA on Wednesday, September 21st, 2011 | No Comments It's no secret that little girls' Halloween costumes have gotten sexier. The topic comes up in the media every October. But the issue is so much bigger. Two of the …peggyorenstein.com/…/heres-my-8-year-olds-halloween-costu… [...]
I love that my girls have requested to be characters from Studio Ghibli films this year. My 4 year old will be Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind (its so funny…she always says the whole name there when talking about her) and my 2 year old will be Ponyo. I guess its a good thing that I can sew. Also we have ditched “regular” TV…no network and no cable or satellite. What we do get is streaming through the computer. This makes what we watch commercial free and viewing is more intentional …no flipping through channels or TV as background noise.
LOVE GHIBLI
[...] a few on for size. The Monster High costume that Peggy Orenstein found at Toys R Us. Or the Convict Cutie Dr. Jennifer Shewmaker saw in her local costume [...]
[...] for adults. As Peggy Orenstein, the author of “Cinderella Ate My Daughter” says in her blog, “the problem is not Halloween. It’s not Toddlers & Tiaras. It’s the messaging that [...]
Well said, Peggy.
I’ve been stressing out about daughter’s costume ever since she announced she wanted to be Miss Piggy and I thought, ‘Cool!’ then, ‘Does this mean she’s going as JonBenet in pig ears?’ Luckily she announced she’d use her soccer cleats as shoes — to her they look like hooves. I think we can manage “pretty pig” without being sexy. Plus, you gotta love a girl who’s willing to wear pig ears and run around the house oinking.
All right, you have GOT to send me a picture of her at peggyorenstein AT comcast.net. That sounds GREAT!
What was going to be a fun outting yesterday to find costumes for both my girls (13 & 8) turned in to a nightmare. My oldest and I left the store so angry because the only options were a $60 tasteful Alice in Wonderland (out of our price range) or many very trashy and way to sexual outfits. I am so happy my 13 year old still wants to dress up and hasn’t fallen in to the sexual trap that is made so easy to do for young girls these days. BTW…no costumes were purchased.
I just finished reading your book, so hello. I have two daughters, and we’ve mostly always made our costumes. This year I had an 11yo mad scientist and a 8yo ninja. (I have to tell you, being able to sew is a huge help in raising girls–I can almost always make something better than anything in the stores, whether it be a dress, a costume, or clothes for AG dolls–and these days it’s even cool.) Anyway, hi from a former Berkeley resident!
Hi to you, too and thank you for dropping by! Love the costumes–jealous of your sewing skill!!
Tell me about it. The worst part is how toys r us comes into your house, ties you up and forces your little children to wear their costumes. what IS supply and demand anyway?
Well, that’s a facile response, really. Obviously, parents buy this stuff. Obviously, kids ask for it. But when there are millions and millions of dollars spent creating want/need or exploiting a developmental phase can you really say where “demand” ends and “coercion” begins? Especially when you’re talking about small children who don’t understand the concept of advertising (as in: that it is trying to sell you something) it’s really not good enough to use the classic marketer’s defense of “we just give the people what they want.”
Just a difference of opinion. I like the Monster High books. I like that each girl is strong and friendly. Be unique Be a monster. It is fun. But I do not like the skany spin that Mattel puts on it nor do I like their short skirts. I discuss these things with my girls and give my opinoin on what is appropriate and what is not.When my girls decided they wanted to be monster high girls for Halloween. I said OK– But here is the kicker. We made the costumes together. Which meant I controlled the hem lines, I controlled the whole outfit so it was FUN and cute rather than slutty. We actually are focusing more on the green body make up and spray painting the wig rather than skirts anyway. We are using it as a time to be creative and come up with a child’s version of this costume. All halloween costumes are made cheaply and look inappropriate for any female at any age (including myself). I never had a store bought costume growing up. I think if parents went back to using creativity and just letting these companies know that there is no market for these costumes, it would be a strong message. (PS – my 7 years old can’t wear heels either and now it is difficult to find dress shoes cause they don’t seem to come any other way– that is ridiculous)
Shawna, that’s a very interesting way to let your girls engage with the culture while also critiquing it. I always advocate fighting fun with fun….Thanks for posting!
i dont mind these costumes,i dont buy them i substitute something similiar from her closet,eg ruffle skirts pleated skirts one of her brothers suite vest,pair of tights and a pair of her boots,then i do her makeup.these costumes are too sexy for a 7yrs old you can do your own kiddie version of them.