FIGHT THE MADNESS: PLAY NOT PRESSURE!
In CAMD I talk about “age compression” as a culprit in the Kardashianization of girlhood. Here’s how that works: products are initially pitched to older kids; younger ones who want to be “cool” like their older brothers and sister latch onto them making them instantly anathema to the original demographic. Since for girls being cool means looking “hot” we’ve seen a downward drift of things like spa birthday parties (now the rage among pre-schoolers) and cosmetic use.
According to NPD group, for instance, nearly half of 6-year-olds say they use lipstick or lip gloss regularly and the percentage of 8-12 year olds who use mascara or eyeliner doubled between 2008 and 2010. 8-12 year olds are among the fastest growing sectors of the cosmetics market, prompting Walmart to launch its popular “anti-aging” Geo Girl line for elementary school girls. This month, Target introduced the Disney Fairies “PixiGlow” line of makeup (which “captures Tinkerbell’s fresh-faced, timeless beauty” and includes–kill me now–the “Straight on until morning eyeliner”). Target also carries Willa Beauty , which is aimed at girls as young as seven. Recall that an early focus on appearance creates a vulnerability to the most common mental health problems we see in girls: depression, low self-esteem, negative body image, eating disorders, risky sexual choices. That belies the argument–typically proffered by the people who sell this stuff–that “tween” cosmetics are “innocent,” that they bolster girls’ confidence by allowing them to “experiment safely with their femininity.” The truth is the opposite: girls’ well-being is undermined by the message, at ever-earlier ages, that who they are is how they look and how they look is not good enough (unless you buy PixiGlow/Eco Girl/Willa makeup!).
But sexualization is not the only place we’re seeing age compression. In 2009 I wrote a piece for The New York Times Magazine called “Kindergarten Cram,” in which I talked about how, when I was a child, in the increasingly olden days:
We danced the hokeypokey in kindergarten, swooned in suspense over Duck, Duck, Gray Duck (that’s what Minnesotans stubbornly call Duck, Duck, Goose) and napped on our mats until the Wake-Up Fairy set us free.
No more. Instead of digging in sandboxes, today’s kindergartners prepare for a life of multiple-choice boxes by plowing through standardized tests with cuddly names like Dibels (pronounced “dibbles”), a series of early-literacy measures administered to millions of kids; or toiling over reading curricula like Open Court — which features assessments every six weeks.
According to “Crisis in the Kindergarten,” a report recently released by The Alliance for Childhood, a nonprofit research and advocacy group, all that testing is wasted: it neither predicts nor improves young children’s educational outcomes. More disturbing, along with other academic demands, like assigning homework to 5-year-olds, it is crowding out the one thing that truly is vital to their future success: play.
That report mentioned a survey of 254 teachers in New York and Los Angeles which found that kindergartners spent two to three hours a day being instructed and tested in reading and math. They spent less than 30 minutes playing. Now the Alliance for Childhood is back with a new report, “The Crisis in Early Education: A Research-Based Case for More Play and Less Pressure.” It looks at the rise (and harm) of not only academic kindergarten but academic preschool. Nancy Carlsson-Paige, for instance, found this sad scene on a recent trip to kindergarten and pre-k classrooms in Miami.
[Classrooms] were barren–no materials whatsoever. No blocks, no easels, no play activities. Bare walls. No art.
Children sat at tables while the teacher did individual testing. The kids were copying from the board: “Class Rules. Sit in your seat. Raise your hand to talk. Keep your hands and feet to yourself.”
One little boy sat quietly crying in his seat. I looked at his paper. There were messy letters trailing across the page. Clearly, he was nowhere near this task developmentally. It broke my heart to be unable to help him.
This is the woman who raised Matt Damon, so she must know what she’s talking about (she’s also one of the country’s foremost experts on early education and author of Taking Back Childhood among other things, but that wouldn’t catch your attention in the same way, would it?).
The new Alliance for Childhood report opens with this quote:
While early formal instruction may appear to show good test results at first, in the long term, in follow-up studies, such children have had no advantage. On the contrary, especially in the case of boys, subjection to early formal instruction increases their tendency to distance themselves from the goals of schools, and to drop out of it, either mentally or physically.
I’ve written before that guiding principle, whether we’re talking about sexualization or accelerated academics, is that kids should be allowed to be KIDS as long as possible. Our task as parents is to resist everything in this souped-up culture that pushes them beyond their natural development. Our babies only so few years in which they can simply play. Their internally-driven creativity, their fantasy lives, their imaginations are a precious resource that should be cultivated for their own sake, not harnessed to sell products or to create some super-kid who is smarter/faster/earns more money.
So, I’ll say it again, and as often as I must: play, draw, read, build, go for walks, stare at ants, climb, jump, pretend….Repeat (for as long as possible).
And for goodness sake, send your child to a play-based preschool!!!

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Well said! I was fortunate to have Nancy Carlsson-Paige as a professor in grad school and I credit her with much of my strong undertsanding of developmentally appropriate practices in education. I spent 10 years as a public school teacher in Massachusetts and became more dismayed at the testing and lack of “real” learning with each year. I now have two young children and stay home with them, spending much of our time going for walks, staring at ants and pretending in all sorts of ways!
I think one of the best things we did is get rid of normal television. My daughter still watches her cartoons (via netflix, amazon prime, dvds, etc) but there are NO COMMERCIALS (although yes, I realize that when she watches Dora, the whole show is a sort of commercial – for Dora stuff) but I really think that watching constant commercials about a bunch of crap she doesn’t need is truly harmful to her ability to stay young and care-free.
More needed today than ever, as I continues to her marketing of internet/iphone apps for babies!! There are people out there selling totally age inappropriate technological devices to parents of babies & toddlers.
There is such a lack of understanding of the need for live, interactive play for the very young (and the not so very young, too!).
Thanks!
Yes! I love the last line!
thank you for this! I could not have said it better. I read this w/ a teary eye as I would love to know how to fight the madness! I also just came home from a BOE meeting where they are now doing all day K in my town. I talk about this to anyone that will listen. I went to school to teach in CT and ‘teaching to the test’ made me decide not to teach and to stay home w/ my DD and PLAY w/ her as much as I can. If you figure out how to fight this, PLEASE let me know I will fight the fight w/ you.
Heather, I’d suggest checking the Alliance for Childhood site. Also, Alfie Kohn’s site. And reading Nancy Paige-Carlsson’s book Taking Back Childhood–those will all give you ideas and resources!!!!! I’m glad you’re engaged!!
Amen sister! I left education when school board members’ were saying “anyone can teach who has a degree.” The American Teacher is not seen as a professional and generally does not have respresentation on local school boards. Superintendents are far removed from the classroom. Parents think of test scores as “productivity results” instead of the results of one day, one time in a child’s life, and not the entire composite of an educated person. After 17 years and being told that I taught too much and that the children didn’t have to learn what I was teaching. I walked away,focused on my own children, and entered the corporate working world were my skills were rewarded.
And there you go–the sad thing is that creative teachers are being pushed out. Reminds me of this sad story in the NY Times.
My daughter (age 5) just went through kindergarten screening, and while I think she’s ready for kindergarten academically and socially, my husband and I found it interesting that the parent portion of the screening focused mostly on reassuring parents that it was ok if their kid spent a year in pre-k, either to keep developing academic skills or to keep working on social play skills.
And while it strikes me as a little odd and unnerving to talk about the academics of kindergarten, I appreciated that the district was at least trying to help parents focus away from standards and on our kids needs. Clearly some parents needed the reassurance that it’s okay to give our kids more time and space to grow.
Jen, was she going through k-garten screening because she was young or because she was going to private school? I think that pre-k option is becoming more popular in part because of accelerated kindergarten. Now that kindergarten is basically first grade, that pre-k year is becoming true kindergarten…
Nope, just a public school. Because Michigan has a late birthday cut off (5 by Dec 1 to enter kindergarten) there’s a wide range of ages/readiness, and screening seems to be this districts way of sorting/helping parents sort out whether kids are ready.
And there are so many factors- schools need kids to test well, even in K, because funding is attached, so they may be more hesitant to send kids into K. But from a parent perspective, putting a kid into all day K saves hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars a year in preK and childcare costs. Which makes it tempting to put a kid, even one who is a little young or maybe not quite ready, directly into K.
[...] her blog, author Peggy Orenstein points out how young girls now play with dolls that look older versus [...]
Wow. Amazing! My husband and I work outside the home, so our daughter, now 3, attends all-day daycare/preschool. If only I were 3 – it is awesome! TONS of arts and crafts, messy play, running through the sprinkler on a hot day, sand box, shaving cream art, freeze tag, tons of books!
My question is on makeup: I wear a small amount of makeup for work and very occasionally, on the weekend (I’m talking: powder. blush, eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss.) DD generally watches me apply it and is entranced (as I always was by this.) Now she asks to wear it and her grandma has given her a play makeup set – albeit an all wood, cute version. It makes me cringe beyond belief to watch her “pretend” to apply the lipstick. And yet, maybe it’s better she is introduced to the concept of using small amounts for a professional atmosphere now? I don’t know, but I do know that when I see her doing this, I run for the leggos/bubble wand/play doh!
You know, Beth, I think what you’re wrestling with is that as women we all embody a certain amount of our culture’s contradiction. With my daughter I would say things like, “Makeup is for grown-ups” (or “in our family, makeup is for grown-ups). But answering “why do you wear makeup Mommy?” is a tough one. So you’ll look prettier? So you won’t look old? So you’ll look professional? Because it’s fun sometimes? Because we’ve been conditioned to believe the way we look naturally isn’t okay? Because sometimes as women get older our color fades from our cheeks and lips? Hmmm. I think you do your best with these questions.
I played with my mom’s makeup a lot as a child, but it was clear that it was strictly something to do in the house, playing at being a ‘big lady.” It wasn’t something we wore to preschool, heaven forbid. Or out of the house at all. The shift today is that little girls wear makeup “for real” at age 3 (I write about all the market-research stats in CAMD). The shift is that there’s full-on makeup lines for 6-9 year olds to wear to elementary school. The shift is that they feel they “need” makeup to look appropriate or pretty or sexy or popular from the get-go. They’re kids. You’re not.
So to scratch that itch we would do some other things–face paint, for instance. Or I would let her draw on her arms and legs (and sometimes mine) with ultra-washable marker (NOT THE FACE!!). That way she got to experiment with decoration without making it into the beauty culture thing.
But I don’t have a magic bullet for you on this one. Just keep broadening, broadening, broadening her idea of what it means to be a girl, the beauty of all bodies and people etc to counteract the other stuff (see my fight fun with fun page for some suggestions).
[...] Cinderella Ate My Daughter and on her blog, Peggy Orenstein writes about age compression: “Here’s how that works: products are initially pitched to older kids; younger ones who [...]
Peggy I adore your blog, your brilliant brain and agree with a lot of what you’ve written here – but there’s something that needs to be said about the necessity of academics (in balance with play) in preschool when it comes to socioeconomic status, that should be amended to your post. I’m going to assume that most of the women commenting here come from a place of relative safety and at least moderate wealth. No doubt they at least try to create a safe, stable home filled with opportunities for learning and exploration. But for many moms, this just simply isn’t possible. For women who are unable to rely on others to help them with child care, those who are undereducated, overworked or abusing substances – especially if they are unable to get ahead financially or move out of bad neighborhoods – their babies are at a severe disadvantage. Just look at this study on the 30 million word gap: http://www.gsa.gov/graphics/pbs/The_Early_Catastrophe_30_Million_Word_Gap_by_Age_3.pdf. For these children having an academically accelerated preschool is a NECESSITY if they are ever going to catch up to their higher SES peers. Many studies back this up, though I’m too lazy to search for them and copy them here haha. Heckman is a good place to start: http://www.heckmanequation.org/. There is also something to be said about testing – how do we know when kids are lagging behind? How do we know when a curriculum is working? How do we know which early learning programs to fund? There’s no other way but looking at data – and that means testing. Absolutely it’s gone overboard, especially in the upper grades, but in most circumstances it’s necessary.
My point in posting this comment is not to attack you or your position. Obviously in the best of all possible worlds every child would get what they need to succeed personally and academically. But many preschoolers cannot the education they deserve to get at home, so they need to get it where they can – at school.
oops! cannot *get* the education they deserve!
I appreciate that perspective. What do you think of the High/Scope Perry Curriculum comparison studies? I wouldn’t call that “academic preschool” but “high quality preschool…..”